Kid-less Halloween

I have been looking forward to Halloween.   I love kids and I hardly see kids where I live.  I was hoping that I will see a lot of them out tomorrow in their cute costumes.  Unfortunately, Ben tells me that our apartment complex does not get trick or treaters.  Bummer. :(  I was even planning to buy a stash of candies for giving away (and saving some for myself), and now I have no excuse to do that.   But I must still have the candies, right?... in the off chance that we do get visitors.

To actually experience Halloween, Ben and I would have to drive around the village and hopefully catch a few kids in action.  Would that be weird?  Would that make us look like creepy children stalkers?

I can't still get used to the fact that I live in an old neighborhood with uhm, old people.  I miss kids.  I miss my nephew, Migo, the most.  

Migo and I in our office trick or treat last
year.  He took off his ninja mask in this shot.

Oh well.  So much for trying to experience Halloween like a kid.  I better act my age and experience it, grown up style.  Fright night?  Whatever scary movie Ben and I will watch tomorrow, I will make sure to have candies to sweeten the deal.

Happy halloween, everyone! =)

I'm a Perpetual Pessimist

I heard news from a very good friend, Miriam Pasia, that their old house in Pasig was gutted by fire.  Thankfully, nobody lives in that house anymore and no one was hurt.   Nonetheless, the property damage is very substantial and very distressing.  Not even 24 hours later, she posted this on Facebook:

"There is a rainbow after the rain".

I've always admired Miriam for her indomitable attitude towards life.  She falls down, but she gets up again, almost immediately.  Her petite frame belies the strength of her character.

I wish I have her strength and her positive outlook.   I am a perpetual pessimist, and I hate that any small setback can easily break my spirit.   Maybe my threshold of pain is very low.  I cry "ouch" immediately and I take forever to lick my wounds.

How does one change perspective? Where do I find rose-colored glasses? Happy thoughts?  Peter Pan said think happy thoughts and you can fly.

Sunshine.  Cute, cuddly babies.  Cotton Candy.

I'm being stubborn and I think I need Tinkerbell's pixie dust or Dumbo's magic feather.

Now that we are talking about cartoons, I would like to say that my cartoon hero is Charlie Brown.  I can totally relate to his unending streak of little failures (e.g. failing to kick that football or fly his kite), being painfully shy (e.g. towards the little red-haired girl), being lonely (e.g. eating his peanut butter sandwich alone during lunch) and feeling rejected (e.g. not getting any Valentine letter or halloween candy).  I feel as if he was speaking for me when he said these lines:

Photo from Peanuts Wikia

"The secret to life is to replace one worry with another"

"There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters... I can be their leader"

"Even my anxieties have anxieties"

"I've developed a new philosophy.  I only dread one day at a time"

"Sometimes, I lie awake at night and I ask, "where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me "this is going to take more than one night".

"I think I am afraid to be happy because when I get too happy, something bad always happens."



Charlie Brown is a perpetual pessimist, but never cynical towards others.   He ends his nights over-analzying his life and his miseries.  He is especially harsh on himself, but constantly persevering,  always self-effacing, and ever so endearing.  If Charlie Brown were alive, I'd give him a big hug, the hug that he likes... the one where you feel sadness physical leaving your body.

Missing my Folks

I was cleaning the apartment this week (scrubbing the floors, vacuuming, cleaning the toilet, etc) and I hurt my back.  I've been suffering from low back pain ever since I hit my 30s and I often get bouts of pain like this.  I can't tell whether it's a pinched nerve or a joint pain, and the pain radiates to my bum and my thighs.

It's times like this when I really wish my mom was here.   Back in the Philippines, whenever my back hurts, my mom would give me a hot compress, rub oil/ointment, massage my back and soothe the pain away.  Nobody can ever care for you like your mother.  Her touch is different.   She weaves magic in her hands.   

Being in a rough patch now makes me feel like a little girl who fell down, scraped her knee and whose first instinct is to cry out "Mommy".  Whenever my mom talks to me and tells me "Anak, I am praying for you.  Don't worry, everything will be fine", I can't help but just cry a bucket of tears.  This week she sent me a text message asking me if I need money to be wired to me so I need not worry about finances while unemployed.  My heart just melted and I sobbed.  I am that helpless little girl again and mommy has come to the rescue.   At my age, I should be looking after my parents.  I feel bad that I am stripped of my ability to care for them. 

When you are miles away from family, you begin to realize the weight of the little things that you took for granted.   Case in point: my dad's cooking.   

I never realized how lucky I was that my dad would whip up specialty food which in my mind then was ordinary fare.  My dad would cook paella and adobong alimango on any given day.   There would be no occasion but he would decide to cook whatever he fancies. Blue Marlin Steak.  Fresh Sushi. Spring rolls.  Chapchae.  Sukiyaki.  Pansit Malabon. Sisig.  Quesadilla. His food repertoire is almost endless.  If he tastes something good in a restaurant, he would try to recreate it at home.   Now that I am learning how to cook, I want my food to taste like how my dad makes them.  I asked him for his recipe for Hainanese Chicken Rice.  I recreated it, only mine tasted like Tinola.  Epic fail.  For the life of me, I can't recreate his adobo no matter how many times I tried to cook it here. 

There are things that only your parents can do.  They are irreplaceable.  I lived with them for over 37 years, and I thank them for giving me a very happy, sheltered life.  I guess I never truly felt like an adult until I was weaned away from them.  I've aged a lot emotionally ever since migrating here.  How nice would it to be a child again every now and then and be cradled by your parents?  

My Folks!

Week-long Unrestricted Eating

It had been raining all week in Albany, casting a very gloomy mood.   It's not even winter yet and I feel I'm having a case of the winter blues:

Long bouts of sadness.

Unexplained fatigue from doing nothing.

Staying under the covers, refusing to get up.

Crying over the littlest of things.

Unusual surge in appetite.

And then I caved in.  Stuffed my face with carbs.  

This week I had:

Pizza.  Burgers.  Milkshake.  Pasta.  Fries.  Cake. Chips.  Bagels. Rice and more rice. 

I had a weeklong carb fest of unrestricted eating and boy did it feel good!!!  I badly needed these food. I had good excuse to do it, too.  My dad, brother and nephew's birthdays are all during the 2nd half of October, so I am celebrating remotely with them.  

And because we weren't counting carbs this week, Ben and I decided to eat out (something that's very hard to do on a low carb diet).  We tried this Afghan restaurant in Central Ave (Afghan Kabob Express) and it was delish!   The gyro over rice was sooo good!  I can't get over how buttery the rice was and I couldn't get enough of that white garlicky yogurt sauce and their green chutney.

Beef Gyro over Basmati Rice

What we liked the most was the appetizer called bolani.  It's a fried flat bread with potato and green onion filling.  What made it good is that it is starch (dough) filled with another starch (potato).  How can you go wrong with that?

Bolani

Food is amazing.  It does wonderful things to lift your spirits.   I am fighting the blues with carbs.  It's working, but I am afraid it is not sustainable solution.  The week is about to end and our unrestricted eating ends tomorrow, Sunday.  We go back to low carb  on Monday.   If come Monday, my melancholic self manifests itself, I will fight it.  Not with carbs but with endorphins.   I might need the elliptical machine and kettle bells again. I will not be depressed!  

Rejection and Reassurance

I got a rejection letter today and it left me in tears.   I've been actively looking for a job for the past month with no success.

I wasn't even being picky.  I applied to an entry level position (an administrative assistant for a bank) and I didn't even get an interview.   That hurt.  A lot.  I was an Asst. Vice President in my last job in the Philippines and now I can't even be hired as an office clerk.  It felt like a dagger piercing through my heart and leading me towards a downward spiral.  

This is ever so humbling.  I thought my resume would have warranted at least an interview.  I guess that bank has its reasons which I will never find out.  Trying to figure out why will consume me for a very long time.   Ben thinks it might be because I am overqualified.   After some thought, my retort to that is this analogy:

A Big Fish in a Small Pond 

vs. 

A Small Fish in Big Pond

I was no hot shot executive.  I never was a big fish. I was but a small fry.  

I blame it on my fixation with titles.   Having that AVP title gave me an inflated sense of worth.   I should not think that an AVP is superior to an Administrative Assistant.  I was wrong to think that.  Everything has to be taken in the context of the environment, the setting, "the pond".    In fact, I should even take it to the next level.  I should believe that any honest, well-intentioned job is noble and that all noble work are equal in the eyes of God. 

Ergo, I will not hesitate to apply to more entry level jobs because the truth is, I came from a small pond and I am now in the biggest pond in the world.   So yes, I don't mind fading into obscurity by being a small fish in a big pond.  I just really want to be in the pond right now.

This past month was particularly challenging, and I am almost at my wit's end trying to think of a way to be productive again.  But thank God, there have been some outpouring of moral support and reassurance from friends and family.   They are all saying the same thing.  Be patient and trust in God's perfect timing.  He has something better in store.

Special thanks to Ben, Mom, Dad, Ate, Mike, Ena, Lot, Aimee and Dimpy for the words of encouragement.  You help replenish my depleting self-worth.  

Benjamin

Benjamin is such a big name in the Vicencio family.    There are five Benjamins in the family:

The family patriarch, my grandfather,
Benjamin Sr. (Lolo Ben)

My uncle, Benjamin Jr. (Tito Benjo)

My cousin, Jose Benjamin (Joben)

My nephew, Benjamin Miguel (Migo)

And by affinity, my husband, Benjamin (Ben).
What a good coincidence that he has the right name.
Serendipitous indeed!

Now comes Benjamin, the restaurant.  The brainchild of my chef cousin Nico Vicencio.    It's opening on October 25, 2014!!!

I think there is no better way to celebrate and share one's passion for good food than to open a restaurant bearing the family's special name.   You know the family's pride and reputation are at stake.  That's how you'll know the food is going to be fantastic.

The restaurant is set in the garden of the Vicencio ancestral home, now owned by Nico's family.  My Uncle, Tito Noel (Nico's dad) breathed new life into the property with his keen aesthetic sense.    The result: a very fine marriage of the classical-old and the modern-contemporary.  Look at these photos:

The Vicencio ancestral home

Al fresco dining area

The Bar.  Those gas tank bar stools are so novel!

I love the logo B made of bullet shells

Antique bikes. An old boat.  Old-fashioned
wheels used in animal-drawn carts.
Period artefacts adorn the grounds.

Look at those old school water pumps

Tito Noel.  The genius behind the layout & design

Despite being tucked away in Lubao, Pampanga, this will be worth the trip from Metro Manila.  Pampanga is a culinary destination in the Philippines, and I'm positive Benjamin will earn its rights to  be one of the pitstops of a Pampanga gastronomical tour.

And now the food:

Benjamin is not your regular hole in the wall restaurant.  The menu and restaurant atmospherics have been carefully thought through.    You have a true-blue Kapampangan, formally trained and avid foodie at its kitchen, and he only works with fresh ingredients.   Take me there now!

I am so stoked that Nico is starting to turn his dream into reality.   I am sure Lolo Ben in heaven is smiling down on him.  We are mighty proud of him.  

Chef Nico!

Benjamin is located at Sta. Monica, Lubao, Pampanga

Open 3 days a week (Thurs - Sat from 4pm to 10pm)

Opening on Oct. 25, 2014

Tel. no. +63 917 471 2604 

Low Carb Essentials

Ben says I'm beginning to be quite the expert in low carb cooking.  Don't trust his opinion though, he is bound to be biased.  He has to.  He doesn't have much choice but to eat what I prepare. Haha.

My first round of doing low-carb was horrible.  We were making the same things over and over again.   Buffalo Wings.  Eggplant Parmigiana.  Kebabs.  Taco Salad.  Steak.  Boiled vegetables.  Eggs. Sausage.  Low carb pancakes.   Our options were so limited.   

In this our second round of low-carving, I am happy to report that we have since expanded our low carb "menu".   I discovered life-saving websites that ushered me into the whole new world of low carb cooking:

http://www.djfoodie.com
http://alldayidreamaboutfood.com
http://www.ibreatheimhungry.com
http://ginnyslowcarbkitchen.blogspot.com
http://www.lowcarb360.com

These sites are just some of the few I used a lot.   I like these websites because they feature easy to follow recipes for the newbie cook and they don't always call for hard to find ingredients.

Now we can eat burgers and sandwiches using low carb bread.  Lo Mein (pansit) and pasta.  Muffins.  Homemade chocolate.  Flourless cakes.  Homemade ice-cream.

Speaking of ingredients, these are things that are must haves in our pantry:

1.  Eggs
2.  Butter
3.  Beef (steak cuts, short ribs and ground)
4.  Chicken (wings, breast, thighs)
5.  Fish (tilapia, salmon) and Shrimps
6.  Cheese (all kind! cheap ones for cooking plus some artisan ones for snacking)
7.  Sour cream
8.  Deli (bacon, sausage, salami, low carb ham, and proscuitto and capocollo occasionally)
9.  Sweetener (we use splenda, truvia, liquid stevia. we have yet to try powdered erythritol)
10.  Almonds
11.  Almond flour
12.  Coconut flour
13.  Carbquik
14.  Xantham gum (helps thicken sauces!)
15.  Coconut Oil
16.  Mayonnaise
17.  Reduced sugar ketchup
18.  Sesame Oil, Soy Sauce, Five Spice Powder (to help me make Asian food)
19.  Shirataki noodles (these are life savers!)
20.  Mushrooms (fresh ones, not canned.  we like baby bella and portabella)
21.  Tofu
22.  Cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage
23.  Cucumber, bell pepper, eggplant, onions, garlic, tomatoes, green onions, leeks
24.  Heavy whipping cream
25.  Almond milk
26.  Pork rinds (for snacking and for breading)
27.  Spices and condiments
28.  Tahini
29.  Hot sauce (sriracha, asian chili garlic paste)
30.  Low carb tomato sauce (the brand contendina has the lowest carb)
31.  Natural almond butter, natural peanut butter
32.  100% cocoa powder
33.  Sugar free jams (we use smuckers)
34.  Frozen blueberry
35.  Low carb ice cream (we love Breyer's carbsmart fudge bar)
36.  Jicama (singkamas.. they make wonderful fries!)
37.  Ground Flax, Chia Seeds
38.  Salad greens
39.  Dill pickles
40.  Diet soda (my weakness)

These simple ingredients helped me stay on low carb much longer than the one month I initially planned to.  Somehow, low carbing is not as boring anymore.   It may even be a permanent lifestyle I can espouse, and not just use it as a quick fix. Now, if only dining out options were as broad.

I am purposely writing all these down to remind myself that I need to go back to low carbing after our planned diet-break this long weekend.