Restless and Waiting

Today, like many other days, I woke up not knowing where I was.   Six long months since I moved to Albany, my subconscious is not yet "habituated" to my new environment.   This is very telling.  It speaks of the slow progress I am making in adjusting to my new life here. 

One cannot really begin to adapt to a new environment unless one is really out there.  And that's exactly my problem: I'm not out there.  I'm really actually boxed in, languishing the days away inside the four corners of our apartment.  Inasmuch as I want to put an end to this inertia, my house arrest is not 100% self-imposed.  It is, to a large extent, a function of my immigration process.   Coming to the US and settling in on a K1 visa is a long and arduous, step by step process and I have no choice but to abide by the sequential order of things.  

So I made checklist of what I need to do to make myself an independent, mobile, and productive human being again: 

1. Get Married  check

2. File for Adjustment of Status (Green Card) check

3. File for Employment Authorization  check

4. Apply for a Social Security Number waiting

5. Get a Driver's License

6. Find a Job

7. Buy a Car

8. Start Working Again!!!

So you see, I am only in Step #4.    I may be months away from Step #8.  I worry that I may not even have a job before the end of the year.  There are times I feel life is passing me by and I am stuck in this rut, slowly decaying and desperately trying to claw my way out to survive.  Yes, I am restless.   I feel so unproductive.   The economist in me is trying hard not to calculate the opportunity cost of my forgone earnings because I know it would only make me feel worse.   

I don't want to beat myself up for this and wallow in self-pity.   I only wish that I could see some glimmer of hope that the tides will soon change in my favor.   Uncertainty is the enemy of planners.  I yearn for visibility.  A job interview would be nice.

Phil. HB 2387

About a week ago, I came across a news article about a bill in the Philippine congress, particularly HB 2387 seeking to impose additional requirements from foreign men who wish to marry Filipino women.  Specifically, the bill proposes that in addition to a proof of legal capacity to marry, foreign men must provide the ff:

• Certificate of Good Moral Character
• Proof of Employment, Business or other Trade with gainful income

Being a Filipina married to a foreigner, I took offense at this bill.  It is making a mockery of my marriage and all other bona fide Filipino interracial marriages.   The premise is faulty.  As a Filipina bride, I am being depicted as a hapless victim incapable of taking care of myself and whose only chance in life is through marriage to a richer foreign man.  In short, Filipina brides are generalized as gold-diggers.   And by asking for proof of of an income stream, we have just solidified that ugly image of Filipinas to the world.   Don't be surprised if racist remarks against Filipinas persist.

This I think is a form of discrimination that I have to endure.  The truth is many narrow-minded people think that marrying outside your race is an act of desperation, either because you can't find a lover in your own color or it is your ticket out of poverty.  Many also seem to think that such marriages are devoid of love, equality, companionship, respect and all other virtues and principles that good marriages are made of.  Instead, they think that it is merely based on a penchant for exoticism.   Call me color blind then, because I can't see any problem in the fact that Ben is white and I am brown.  Abuse in marriages can happen anywhere.  Even Filipino men are capable of it.

I do acknowledge however that abuse of Filipino women does exist and I give credit to the intention of the bill.  However, the measures it proposes to protect Filipina brides are just simply pathetic. What is good moral character?  Is it simply the absence of a criminal record?  What if the foreigner has liberal,  progressive views like advocating same sex marriage that counters the predominantly conservative and catholic views of the Philippines? Will he be immoral?  What if he does not believe in God?  By whose standard is morality defined?

I would liken the government to a father wanting only the best son in law for his daughter.  My dad never asked me how much Ben makes.  He didn't have to because he raised me well.  He made sure I can fend for myself and look to my husband as an equal.

And that is where the fault of this bill lies.  It ignores the bigger problem of empowering Filipino women.  What we need is a comprehensive program that will give Filipinas access to education, protection of their own reproductive health, promotion of gender equality especially at work, etc,  and not a band aid solution like this bill.

There are no shortcuts and cutting corners where protection of women is concerned.